Thief,

You got away with it. You hot wired the van and stole everything. It must feel great. Except that now you have all that "Merchandise" in a room somewhere... and you're hoping nobody got the license plate of the white mini truck in the hotel parking lot. The one parked by the crime scene right before the theft occurred? Don't worry. The video footage is kind of blurry in a couple spots. I'm sure you'll be fine. 

For now at least, you have my drums. Nice one. You did it and got out of the area without getting caught. Which ss huge, because getting caught with a trailer full of stolen musical equipment is a very serious crime. In fact it's a felony! That means you took a really big risk. It's gutsy what you did, only not in a "heroic" way. More like gutsy in an "icky, desperate" way. To pull a crime this brazen the criminal would have to either be gutsy or stupid, and since I don't know you, I'll just assume you are a combination of both guts and stupidity. In fact, I bet you're the type that is REALLY gutsy. And REALLY stupid.

You have accomplished a lot in this crime so far but you've still got to get rid of the stuff and until that happens you have to keep it somewhere. You'll need a place thats safe (to protect your investment) and out of sight (because they're not yours). The fast driving part is over and after going through that you'd be a fool not to get paid, so let's look at some likely scenarios and try to figure out what you will gain from this "job" when it's finished. 

1. Either you work with others to distribute the goods? (Adds witnesses and possible roll overs, and you make less when you cut up the money.) 

2. You work alone and have predetermined buyers? (More witnesses and possible roll overs.) 

3. You are going to sell it yourself slowly? (Even more witnesses! And how long do you want to sit on that hot gear?)

4. Or, you put the stuff in storage and forget about it until things cools off? (How much does it cost a month while you're sitting in risk? And again, how long do you want to sit on that hot gear?)

Most likely you'll have to sell it off fast and cheap, take what you're offered, and get some distance from it. But how much will you really make? And what kind of sleep will you get during the process? Will you get even $500 for my drums? Probably not. They're hot! You can't put them on ebay or craigslist. You can't even put them a major newspaper. You'll have to pawn them for a few bucks or find a drummer to pay more - someone who won't turn on you if they are caught with stolen goods. Do you know any drummers you can trust to keep your secret if they get busted?

But there's more than just the drums. You have my cases, hardware, and cymbals, too. You probably noticed my name on the cases. It's hard to miss in indelible paint. (Oh yes it is.) So the cases are gone. You can still move the cymbals, though. But I'll be checking online to buy the set up I lost so I don't try advertising them together. You also have my trap case, with all the hardware, pedals, and spare parts I'd arranged for a five week tour. I have to tell you, the trap case has a bag full of sticks with my name on them. There are other sticks, too, that I can describe in detail if you're not sure which ones I'm talking about... (Isn't it amazing how many ways you could get caught?) 

I'll bet you won't get $1000 for everything you took from me and yet you've ground my life to a halt. When the band discovered our van and trailer were gone there was really no way to continue. We rented transportation and some gear for an extra week but it was too expensive and cramped so we had to cancel the tour. I had to come home and tell my wife that the shows (and my income) had stopped, and then besides that, I'd lost all my equipment in Philadelphia.

The money you get from the gear may knock off some debt and keep your addictions fed for a couple weeks. But then, unlike legitimate people, who's jobs earn them skills and raises and seniority, you'll be right back where you started! (Isn't that pathetic?) When the Whisky and Pizza are gone you'll have to go find another band to hit, you'll have to take another huge risk, and then be right back to your paranoid apartment. (Isn't that depressing?) But that's only if you're not caught in the act next time, which you realize becomes more likely with every theft. 

For now you've gotten away with it, so while you're "up" I'd like to ask a favor. In return for the gear I worked so hard to earn please take some of the money you receive from this theft and go get yourself a nice, solid vasectomy. You could probably afford one from the cymbal sales alone. Vasectomies have come a long way in the last few years. It takes less than 15 min. per side now and you're back to work in three days. (Or whatever it is you do during the day... Video games?) 

Your vasectomy would be a small silver lining to the dark cloud you brought us, because it would assure the next generation of musicians less chance of being hurt by some "manboy" in Philly, whose lack of smarts and lousy parenting prevented him from being able to support himself and reduced him to hunting and stealing, like some stray Jackal in the Desert. Fifteen minutes per side, thief, and you can stop the glob of useless creatures that may stumble out of your sickly genes.

Do your loved ones know where their birthday presents come from? Do your kids know their Daddy has to drive a stolen van - white knuckled, wide-eyed with fear, tail between his legs - to support them? Did your momma throw a whole litter of Jackal pups or are you just the shame of your family? 

You didn't take everything when you ripped us off, thief. We still have talent and passion and integrity. You'll never have these traits because they're not something you can sneak off with in the night. I'll be back to work eventually and by that time you will either be arrested and convicted - or free to remain trapped in the dreary life you've created for yourself. I'm better than you. In fact, most people are better than you. And we always will be. How depressing is THAT? 

Sleep if you can, little big man. Your time will come.